The Masked Pundit unapologetically contributes to the dumbing-down of America.

Deer Masked Pundit, does you or doesn’t you agree that America as a hole is dumbing-down? Signed, Marcus Absent, Woodgate.

My dear Marcus, in the sagacious words of America’s foremost intellectual Larry the Cable Guy, “Half the people you know are below average.” America’s most recent two-term President once asked, “Is our children learning?” Larry would never use bogus grammar to make a point.  He’s downright insightful when he respectfully contradicts Momma Gump, “Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.” If Larry’s adages tickle your ulnar nerve you might just be dumbed-down.

Dear Masked Pundit, I graduated high school last year and nobody ever told me about our first president, Abraham Lincoln. Wassup? Signed, Ima Loser, New Russia.  

I’ma not surprised Ima. Former New York State Teacher of the Year John Taylor Gatto wrote in his “The Seven-Lesson School Teacher” that it was possible that he was hired not to enlarge children’s power, but to diminish it. He went on to assert that, “the national curriculum of schooling was designed exactly as if someone had set out to prevent children from learning how to think, to act, to coax them into addiction and dependent behavior. School is a twelve-year jail sentence where bad habits are the only curriculum truly learned. I teach school and win awards doing it. I should know.” Mr. Gatto’s acceptance speech was a big hit with NYS school administrators. They gave him five days of after-school detention.

Dear Masked Pundit, are modern day presidential candidates really dumb or do they just act that way? Signed, Truer Faltz, Raquette Lake.

It’s truer than falser, Truer. Throughout history every presidential candidate has made an honest gaffe or two. However this time around I must agree that our presidential hopefuls made so many booboos that they’re considered certifiably dumb in most circles. Rick Perry’s two outta three government agencies that must go, Herman Cain warning that China is trying to develop nuclear capability, Rick Santorum telling an unemployed man to keep up the hard work, Mitt Romney stating that he’s not concerned about poor people and even President Obama proclaiming that the Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries. The Newtster’s totally wacked-out. Throw in Michele Bachman and this group represents the dumbest US Presidential candidates in history.  Larry the Cable Guy warned us, “Light travels faster than sound.  That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” Larry knows of what he speaks.

Dear Masked Pundit, can we blame the mass media for the dumbing-down of America? Signed, Isabell Ringing, Beaver River.

Isabell this is America, we can blame anyone we want to blame. Surely the mass media shares responsibility for dumbing-down America. We don’t get in-depth news anymore. We get sound bites and news releases. The so-called news is delivered by clueless airheads, convicted felons and egomaniacs. They feed us a steady diet of corporate opinions. Any legitimate news is purely coincidental. Media moguls employ audience tracking systems that categorize us so they can cater to our biases. If we really cared about in-depth news analysis we’d read newspapers. Instead media outlets dole out just enough information to our TV’s, laptops and iPhones to get us riled up and send us off half-cocked. Larry the Cable Guy says, “42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.” Hey, I’m starting to appreciate this Larry guy. And don’t call me Shirley.   

Dear Masked Pundit, are there authoritative sources I can access to learn more about the dumbing-down of America? Signed, Rhoda Horsey, Uncas Road.  

Indeed, Rhoda. I suggest the 2005 movie lampoon “Idiocracy” which depicts our future when low IQ people enthusiastically outbreed their more intelligent counterparts. The movie’s loosely based on the 1951 book “The Marching Morons” by Cyril M. Kornbluth. I swear I didn’t make up Mr. Kornbluth’s name. You can also download anarcho-punk groups like The Divine Comedy, Ugly Duckling, Lupe Fiasco and Chumbawamba who’ve nailed the subject of dumbing-down in their tunes. According to Chumbawamba, “Disneyland is all we understand, our history will be written out in headlines and we sometimes wish our lives were plug-and-play.” Larry the Cable Guy says we should “Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.” Larry’s genius is beginning to scare me.

Dear Masked Pundit, if America’s dumbed-down, who will be our heroes?  Signed, Harry Butt, Inlet.

Mr. Butt, our heroes will be chucklehead bass fishing show hosts. I’m not considering the prima donna hosts of trout and saltwater fishing shows because they’re all east coast elites. Nor can I include Al Linder or Babe Winkelman because they’re not adept at the triphthongization of the traditional short front vowels, aka, Southern drawl, like good ole boys Jimmy Houston, Roland Martin, Shaw Grigsby, Hank Parker and last and by all means least Bill Dance. It cracks me up when silly Billy trips over his fishing pole and falls face first into a hornet’s nest. My down homeboys love bigmouth hogs so much that they kiss them on the lips. They think fish slime is lip gloss. These rubes may be dumb but they ain’t stupid. Dance earns more money than most rocket surgeons. According to Larry, “If the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.” Larry’s so Thomas Aquinas.   

Dear Masked Pundit, give us examples of America dumbing-down? Signed, Rusty Ford, Eagle Bay.

Well, Iron Oxide, merely turn on your TV, peruse the periodicals at the grocery checkout counter and listen to talk radio. Maybe the best dumbing-down indicators are these biweeklieseekly “One Oar Short” columns which have singlehandedly caused the death of journalism in the Central Adirondacks. I know first hand that the seriously disturbed columnist is paid half a pittance which is twice what he’s worth. Meanwhile Larry the Cable Guy reminds us, “A day without sunshine is like night.” You might just be dumbed-down if you’ve uttered “Git-R-Done” more than once during your lifetime.