So I am currently a gestating pod. You read correctly. I am housing a human being inside of my own body for approximately forty weeks or until I explode. There’s no telling at this point which will come first. While I realize that this is a miracle and part of the circle of life and all that jazz on most days, there are other days when I’m sure the miracle will be if I survive this. There are women that glow when pregnant. They have beautiful skin and rosy cheeks and look as if Mother Nature herself waved some sort of gorgeous wand at them. I am not one of these women. There are also women who love being pregnant and sing its praises through the whole ordeal. Again, I do not fall into this full-of-joy category.

Really. Lately it is all I can do to get through the day without biting a hole through my own tongue or throwing things out of windows. The all male household lives in fear; they tread lightly. These poor children of mine hide around corners; I sense them gauging my mood. Dare they ask what might be for dinner or should they forage for their own food? Will mentioning that we have run out of milk be the thing that pushes her over the edge today?

My husband is headed straight for sainthood, but don’t tell him I said that. I’ll deny it, even though it’s in print, and I will be right. Why? Because I am pregnant. The poor man has endured more than I care to admit. He has painted and repainted. He has moved furniture and moved it back. He has drawn baths and rubbed feet and said, “Whatever you want, Honey,” at least eighteen thousand times. Still, he endures. I’m certain there are times that he too wants to hide around corners because, heck, I’d hide from me at this point.

Then there is the general public, Bless Their Hearts. The questions people will ask never cease to amaze me. Am I sure there’s only one baby in there? Why no, we’re having a test soon to make sure it’s not a litter of kittens. You’re getting big. You’re not due until July? Yes, I am due in July. Does it seem that I would be unaware that the large mass attached to the front of me is quite large? Trust me, I know when this is supposed to end. In fact, I was there when it started. Wow, I bet you’re hoping it’s not a hot summer. At this moment I am hoping I can control the urge to punch you square in the nose, but a cool summer is on the wish list right below that. Are you uncomfortable? Let me see...I currently have three pounds of tiny person invading every corner of my abdominal cavity. There are feet in my ribs, elbows sticking out of my sides and someone’s head is resting in my nether regions. The current resident keeps odd hours and has break dancing parties on a regular basis. Yes, I would definitely use comfortable when describing my current state.

My favorite question is the one about the drugs. Am I going to get the drugs or go natural. Let me see. Nature has already decided that this child will be coming out of me and I feel that’s about all the nature I can take. There are drugs available that will lessen the pain involved in moving  this tiny bundle from point A to point B and that, in my opinion, is a glorious thing. There are those people that have home births in warm baths and relax and breathe through it all. Then there is the option of having medical professionals assist in the delivering of teeny tiny person into my arms. Um, that would be a yes to the drugs, please and thank you.