PIN heads

Deb and I are certifiable PIN heads. We’re amongst the ten percent of American consumers who’ve fallen victim to fraudulent ATM cash withdrawals as a result of doctored PIN skimming machines. The distressing call from our Credit Union security company came at around 9 a.m.  

“Hello, Ms. Ernst, can you verify that you’re really Ms. Ernst?”

“Sure, what identification do you need?”

“We need your long form birth certificate that proves you were born.”  “Gee, my birth certificate’s only 5”x 7”. Hope that’s okay?”

“Ms. Ernst, someone has withdrawn $503 from an ATM on Fulton Square Drive, Sherman Oaks, California early this morning.  Was that you?”   

“I don’t think so.  You realize you’re calling me in Falls Church, Virginia so I don’t think it could be me.”

“Okay, we didn’t think so, but we have to ask. As of this nanosecond we’re canceling your debit card. Contact your financial institution and follow their instructions. Bye, bye and have a crime free day.”

I immediately got on-line and Googled, debit card fraud. Guess what came up? Two hundred Michaels Arts and Craft stores in twenty states hit by debit card fraud due to doctored PIN skimming machines. Michaels? Not Wal-Mart, Home Depot, Kroger, Target, or Costco, no, Michaels, where Deb, the mother of all rubber stampers, shops at least once a week. Scamming artsy-fartsy Michaels’ patrons is about as low as you can go.  

After the shock and awe, we broke into action. We first called our Credit Union who advised us not to panic. They were quick to email us an outdated financial fraud reporting form and instructed us to also provide a police report. I immediately called the Fairfax County Police Department, Financial Crimes Division phone tree. The phone tree told me that I must get a police report from the jurisdiction in which the crime took place. In my flustered state, I thought the phone tree was suggesting I fly out to Sherman Oaks, California and get my police report. I never did talk directly to a living, breathing Financial Crimes investigator. I soon discovered that they’re understaffed, snowed under with rampant financial crimes, and they never answer their phones.

I called the Credit Union back and advised them that I’m not flying to California to pick up a police report. The poor Credit Union guy was baffled and told us to go to the Falls Church Police Department because we have a Falls Church mailing address. Like good doobies, we followed his instructions and the Falls Church desk cop laughed at us. She told us to go back to the Fairfax police. Duh, the initial crime took place at the Falls Church Michaels store, which is in Fairfax County. When the Fairfax County Police dispatcher suggested I go visit the Financial Crimes Division, I screamed that I wasn’t going anywhere. I’d already been everywhere.  She told me to calm down or she’d come over and personally mace and rubber hose me. I said fine, can you then make out the police report I need?

She was kind enough to send a couple of amiable, heavily armed Fairfax County patrol officers over to our house to fill out the requisite crime report. The two officers were tactful about saying “I told you so” when it comes to using PIN numbers along with debit cards.  “Maybe you should use it as a credit/check card and sign, instead of entering a PIN number,” they offered. But officers, Michaels is so benign.

Interestingly, we were the first victims to report the Michaels PIN fraud to the Fairfax County Police. One of the officers told us his sister is an artist and shops there with her debit card frequently. He was going to call her as soon as he left our house. Once we had the police report, we moved on to the Credit Union and presented it along with a valid notarized Credit Union report. Our Credit Union guy told us we were the second Michaels victims to come in that day. No worries, our Credit Union charges no fees for victims of financial fraud, plus our VISA debit card reimburses one hundred percent of any fraudulent transaction. Deb’s money was back in her account the following afternoon. Michaels is going to bear the brunt of this geekily elaborate inside job.

Before you start calling debit card aficionados, slapdash, consider that debit cards really have a darn good security record. Okay, so Deb’s card was hit fifteen years ago by some aspiring Victoria’s Secret wannabe in an Atlanta, Georgia Macy’s, for a thousand dollars worth of bras and panties. At least the perp didn’t buy a Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren. Talk about sticker shock.  Regardless, all you busy shoppers out there in Expressland should thank Deb for using her debit card so you don’t have to stand on line at Kinney’s for twenty minutes while she hand writes a personal check. Do you people who still write checks in stores actually know what your teeth gnashing line mates are calling you under their baited breaths? Mean old Mr. Potter from “It’s a Wonderful Life,” that’s who. Time is money, my friends.

Debit cards are expedient when used for lesser, everyday purchases. The only time the user must enter a PIN number is when they request cash back along with their purchase. It’s also appropriate for Deb since she can only spend what she has in her checking account, which is usually chump change. She uses our credit card for internet or substantial purchases.  I pay that bill, so what’s hers is hers and what’s mine is hers.

Being steadfast Americans, Deb and I will continue to be PIN heads, using our credit/debit cards, computers, Kindles, semi-smart cell phones, iPods, GPS’s, and other modern day necessities until we can no longer see, hear, or comprehend. It’s all about the price of doing business in our contemporary world. Each generation is measured by their technological innovation, but not necessarily their ability to master it. When we can no longer keep up with technology, we’ll recycle our gizmos and check in at the nearest assisted living facility. They have staff who know how to use a DirecTV remote control.