I enjoy a little investigating, myself. It makes me feel a bit secret-agenty on those dull days. There are genuine reasons that I enjoy Facebook in a wholesome way. Keeping up with family and friends is great. People can send you a quick message without calling or emailing; they can send you a link that you might find funny or informative. There are people that you care about that you don’t necessarily have a constant communication sort of relationship with; you can share an occasional and brief exchange with them easily and without too much expectation. There’s nothing that throws me more than expectations. Sally sends Joe an email and, of course, attaches that irritating little return receipt thingy so she knows when it’s been opened. Damn those return receipts to heck. Joe reads email but doesn’t have much to say about it and isn’t feeling inclined to respond with any immediacy. Now Sally feels slighted and Joe feels like he was pressured via email. It’s an ugly, unreciprocated and bitter email world.
With the magical world of Facebook you can at least pretend with minimal effort that you have not checked in on your account. “Jeez, sorry. Haven’t had a minute for Facebook lately.” Tada. Crisis averted. You can respond at your leisure or not at all because that mysterious universe has been known to swallow comments and tags ten at a time. “Gosh, I never saw that. Sorry I missed it.”
All good things have their down sides, of course, and Facebook is no exception. Sometimes there are mini-wars going on. This can lead to rubbernecking like the folks on the highway checking out a car accident. You are a silent, anonymous observer to Sally and Jane having a heated online argument. They are bickering for all the world to see, but they don’t have any idea that you’re watching. It all transpires while you are supposed to be doing real, honest to goodness work on your computer. Balancing the checkbook, Master’s Thesis, and an Overstock clearance sale have nothing on the insults that Jane and Sally are now hurling through cyberspace. Ooooh, it’s getting ugly. What will happen next? You can barely turn away despite the fact that the area rug you’ve been eyeing is now fifty percent off.
Later, while you are trying to enjoy the magnificent photos of Fiji posted by your ninth grade science lab partner, you are interrupted by a series of message alerts. Jane wants you to buy her a cow or some such thing for an online game. Thanks anyhoooo, Jane, but farming doesn’t appeal to me in real life or cyber life and I cannot be involved in your bovine interests. And Sally would like to invite you to an event ... tonight ... in Santa Barbara. Umm, really Sally? I didn’t care for you much in the fourth grade, but now you’re really weighing on me. But thanks for thinking of me and your 632 closest friends for your jewelry party guest list. Really.
I’m always fascinated by how many people are on Facebook touting a diet or telling me and their other 1,029 pals that they should really see a certain website. I’ve discovered, though not first hand, that these are viruses. Luckily I was too busy searching for my hidden stash of mini Kit Kats every time one of these fabulous grapefruit, HCG, Twinkie or other diets have reared their ugly heads on my page. Frankly, any diet’s head is ugly to me, so I’m not too worried about being lead astray.